dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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