I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
