im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
