so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
