So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
