So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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