apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
