he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
