Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
