You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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