watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
