our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
