why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
