:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
