I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
