under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
