can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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