I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
