i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
