whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
