imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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