Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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