Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
