Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
