Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
