We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
