mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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