There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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