You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
