No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
