he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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