what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
