Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
