Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
