I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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