I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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