Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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