just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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