Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
