feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this just has baby written all over it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
