I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
