He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All the doctor said was why
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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