can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
