I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
