moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
