Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
