if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
