oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
