Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what day is it and did you see me today?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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