mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
