Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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