just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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