everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
