i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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