After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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